Planet Mad

Have eaten only some chocolate and an apple today. Am most upset, because spent most of this afternoon planning this evening's meal (bacon, fried egg, mashed swede...and anything else left in the cupboard) but I forgot to cook it, and now it's too late. Pah. Damn the internet and its abilty to absorb numerous hours of the weekend.

However, I did find this (courtesy of the SDMB) - Lord of the Rings in the style of the Rev. Spooner:

Balbo Biggins was hitting in his souse and poking a smipe. He was laughing over the wonderful ploke he had jade -- a marvelous pisadearring act.

Suddenly the boor durst open. Standing there was a tall figure, Grandalf the Gay. He was a wait grizard who could spast kells and fagic mormulas.

“You’re a had Bobbit,” said Grandalf the Gay.

“Don’t get your bickers in a nunch,” said Balbo, burrowing his frau. “Ruts wong?”

“Oh, puh-leeeze,” said Grandalf the Gay. “As I’ve suspected all along, you must pee in bossession of the Run Wing.”

“The Run Wing!” exclaimed Balbo. “You’ve been smoking too much wipe peed.”

“Nay, it is that very ring that was taken from the lark dord Sauron in a bitched pattle.”

“Did you come to rake my ting?” Balbo stammered.

“No, I tare not dutch it. It is arvil inkeynate! But we have to keep it from the lark dord Sauron.”

“Sauron? But I though he dit the bust.”

“No, he lives on as an isembodied dye. Now you must rake the ting and throw it into the Dacks of Croom.”

“Me? Take it to the Dacks of Croom? Helll-loooo, Grandalf. It’s me, Balbo Biggins. I’m a Hobbit, remember? Short, rotund, retiring. Fairy heat.”

“Even so, the ring thrust be moan into the Dacks of Croom.”

“And I’m supposed to do it? What about all those ucking Forcs out there? Not to ention the Ments.”

“I don’t know, maybe we could get up some kind of a Fellowship or something. Get companions for you. How about Dimli the Gwarf? He has great bowress in prattle.”

...

Bodo Fraggins looked with disgust on his companions, Perry and Mippen ...