Planet Mad

I love the internet. Have just had the most amusing messenger conversation, which I reproduce (in part, with spelling partly corrected) for you here because it is so bloody funny (well, it amused me and I need somewhere to record it for posterity!).

To set the scene, I'm talking with my younger brother, who's a bit of a biker/BMXer who's very attached to his broadband connection and online games, and is rarely seen wearing anything but jeans and a hoody. He's telling me about his Saturday night out in Birmingham:

forteh: the bouncer comes out and tells me that i wasnt going to get in
Mad: why?
forteh: think nothing of it cos im in a crowd of 10 pple
Mad: but?
forteh: get to the door and he says look m8 ive already told you your not coming in
Mad: why not? what did he say?
forteh: ask him why
forteh: get this
forteh: im too mainstream
Mad: LOL LOL
forteh: cos im wearing a shirt, trousers and shoes
Mad: You're not weird enough, sunshine!!!!!!
forteh: im too broadstreet
Mad: ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
forteh: they dont want broadstreet types in thir bar
forteh: i was too much of a kevin ffs
Mad: Fucking hell!!!!
forteh: those were his words :(
forteh: too much of a kevin lol
forteh: i asked him if the bloke who had just gone in wearing pretty much the same was a kevin aswell?
forteh: he ignored that one
forteh: then we hung around for 10 mins whilst we got the pple out of there that had already gone in
forteh: he kept telling us every 30 second that theres no point hanging around cos we werent getting in
Mad: I bet he was a huge fucker too!
Mad: not someone to argue with!
forteh: we just told him we didnt want to go into his elitist pretentious fucking bar and we were waiting for pple
forteh: only about 6 or 5
Mad: dear me
Mad: did you really use the term "elitist pretentious fucking bar"?!?!?
Mad: FANTASTIC!!

What's more, this epic saga continued...

forteh: but i did get some praise about me sideburns lol
forteh: unfortunately from a bloke D:
Mad: ha ha!
forteh: he said how do you get your sideburns to grow like that :o
Mad: did you tell him your secret?
forteh: well dont have a shave and they magically appear
Mad: gosh!
Mad: I'd never have guessed that!! :-)
forteh: also cutting your pubes off and dble sided tape works well :o

I shall not be able to look at double sided sticky tape in the same way ever again. Ever. Am still giggling. Oh dear. I've finally flipped!