Planet Mad

Late night musings - serious content alert
It is rare that I am completely honest. Not - I hasten to add - that I pathologically lie or fib deliberately. If I do sometimes stretch the truth a little, it's done to make people laugh. My dishonesty (such as it is) arises from the veneer of happiness that I hide behind, choosing to keep my thoughts and worries to myself by presenting a blase face to the world. It's not often that I admit to feeling anything other than confident and happy, even though I may be a squirming bundle of nerves or very upset. Now, however, I am feeling sleepy and incapable of pretending any more, and I admit that I am worried about next week's inspection. The advance party of inspectors descend in two days' time, followed by their cronies on Monday, and they will be in school until Thursday. I am scared that they will see beyond the facade and realise that I am not very organised, am worried that I will not get everything prepared in time, am petrified that they will realise that I am a fraud. I can tell that I am worried because I have stopped smiling, because I am less patient than normal, because I no longer sing at every possible opportunity. I usually live for each day, but I can't wait for next week to be over. I hate living like this.