The time of Little Tests approaches fast, and I taught a sixth form lesson today about exam technique. While demonstrating the different types of questions they may face in the exam hall, I stumbled across some examples that they would ALL understand...

Knowledge: - "What do you understand by the term hangover?"

Application: - "Explain why Miss E is prone to suffer from hangovers"

Analysis: - "Analyse the reasons for Miss E's hangover this morning" (causing great smirks from boy sitting in front row who was at the same dinner party last night and then watched me walk into the pub on the way home)

Evaluation: - "To what extent is Miss E's hangover due to the pint of beer she drank in the pub last night?"!!

In other news, I am feeling old: first off, none of my AS-level group can remember going to supermarkets and having checkout staff type prices into the till; second, a GCSE group had to create a whole new age category for me on their questionnaires as I now longer fit neatly into the 16-25 category. Shucks.

Bleugh. Morning. Tired. Semi-hangover. Work. Ick.

Clarification: The 'TM' in the previous post is nothing to do with Tom Martin (Dr). In case you were wondering.

I seem to recall that the Green Stuff was more to do with 'im 'ere!

Pinky writes:

Anything except drink copious quantities of Green Stuff (tm), JD and coke, and beer I assume? :-) (How do you make a vomiting emoticon?)

Nope - am even up for that! Foolhardy or what...!!

Revelation of the day #1: next weekend is Easter - I'd forgotten this.
Revelation of the day #2: I will be able to escape from school for a whole 5.5 days - I'd forgotten this too.

Anyone fancy doing anything exciting next weekend?

I love the internet! It tells me things like this:

Congratulations!
Your general IQ score is 159.

A person whose IQ score falls in the range of 144-160 is considered to be "gifted".

Mua ha ha!! Little do they know...

Just in from junior pub quiz, where a small boy offered me a Jelly Baby. As I accepted with a smile, he grinned and said, "That's one of the great certainties of life: Miss Emuss will always eat sweets if you offer them!" How well that boy knows me! :-)

Life continues apace here on Planet Mad and the first week is already half-way old. Kids arrive at my classroom and seem to leave 40 minutes later with their brains fuller than when they arrived, the sun continues to shine and last night I turned down not one but two offers of a drink and had an early night instead. I fear that I am in danger of exceeding the EU recommended limit for excitement.

In other news, I appear to have developed hayfever. At least, I hope it's hayfever, otherwise I'm turning into an albino rabbit. Without the ears. Or the teeth. Or the tail, fur or other essential requirements for an albino rabbit other than the pink eyes and the fondness for carrot. Mind, I'd be a pretty useless rabbit as I start crying every time I remain outside for longer than 5 minutes, so there's another exciting career option denied. Isn't that always the way?!

I managed to blag my way out of the usual Monday night snooker at the Legion, pleading the excuse that the excitement might kill me. Instead I planned some lessons, thereby ensuring that death from over-excitement was a distant threat. However, I had quite a feckful evening (the opposite of 'feckless', since you ask) and so have spent all today teaching lessons that were planned in advance, which makes a pleasant change! This afternoon sees me "supervising" a tennis session - in reality this requires me to sit in the sun, reading a book and occasionally shouting out encouraging things like, "Good shot!" and, "Well hit!" Tough life, eh?!

Today saw the onset of Post-Dancefloor Ache Syndrome. Actually, it may have set in yesterday, but I was too hungover to notice. Today, however, I winced every time I went to wipe the board, which - given that lessons have resumed - was a bit of a drawback. Apparently I actually fell out of the pub on Saturday night, which may explain one or two things...

Tomorrow sees the start of another term. I always like to start term in an organised fashion with a tidy desk, no outstanding marking, all lessons prepared thoroughly and worksheets photocopied in advance. Yeah, that's how I like it. It never actually happens like that though; at least, it hasn't in the past and I suspect that this one's going to be no different. This is entirely due to certain people who shall remain nameless (they know who they are) giving me alcohol. It's absolutely all their fault. I am the innocent party in all this, and I would like share my version of events before my good name is besmirched.

Well, I would, if I could remember what my version is. Maybe their versions will be somewhat more accurate than mine, so perhaps you had better hear their stories after all. In my defence, I have a theory that manic bouncing-round dancing (as demonstrated quite admirably in some nightclub somewhere in Cov but I have no idea where it is or how we got there) gets the alcohol into your bloodstream faster.

Alternatively, of course, it could just be that I am a lightweight, which, on reflection, is probably more likely. Ho hum.

Back from a pleasant evening spent in Brum: couple of pints, couple of bars. "Let the train take the strain" they say, so I did... most convenient. However, on the way home I sat over the aisle from two suits discussing (in a slightly slurring swaying sort of way) their techniques for picking up women. Suit #1 recommended the use of business cards as a way of signalling to potential victims that one is a VERY IMPORTANT professional who is essential enough to have a piece of card stating this. Suit #2 disagreed, recommending instead the use of courses, evening classes and the like. However, he was very careful to clarify this by adding that although Course X is good if one actually wants to learn something, he found there were only 5 women of whom 4 were married and the other was a dog, so it would be better to join the aerobics class.

I had to spend the entire journey studiously staring out the window so I didn't laugh.

Of course, let it be added that I used the reflection in the window as a way of monitoring their conversation... how could one choose to opt out of such entertainment?!

Mua ha ha!!

Problems caused by blogging after x pints have now been remedied and all irrelevant http bits removed. Alopogies to one and all.

Marking GCSE coursework is the winner of the Most Tedious Thing I've Done Today award. I've spent much time trying to find alternative activities: I was so bored I even cleaned the mould out of my platypus drinking tube. There is truly no hope...

No more will I have to rack my brains thinking of funny things to write in my blog (tried to write "humourous" but can't remember how to spell it....I blame the beer) Instead I can just use this. Hurrah!!

Ah, bless. It's good to hear some positive news for once.

Warning: whimsical ramblings...

When I was living with my parents, my bedroom had a floor-to-ceiling pin board next to the door. I’d stick anything of significance to this board - notes, pictures, tickets or just things that were reminders of a particularly good day. Last year I finally succumbed to my mother’s nagging to clear the junk from my room, so I took everything down and put it in a carrier bag, which has sat under a table in my sitting room since that day. The domestic tidy-up here on Planet Mad continues unabated (except when I am distracted by things I’ve not seen for years and feel a nostalgic urge to look over them again) and I decided that today was the right time to tackle The Bag.

First out of The Bag were 3 McDonald’s flags. I’m pretty certain that they were “borrowed” on the day of my last concert with Staffordshire Youth Orchestra, when lots of us went to McDonalds between rehearsal and concert. One of my greatest regrets is that I’ve lost touch with every single one of the people from County, even though we were such good friends. The only person I’m still in touch with was a member of the Wind Orchestra (boo, hiss) and I only really know him through Scouts. Maybe a reunion is called for…?

Next from The Bag came numerous friendship bands, followed by loads of tickets. There are bus tickets from my first real ‘dirty weekend’ in the Lake District and travel passes from trips to the Big Bad City where we would hang around outside the sex shop behind Toys R Us daring each other to go in. Concert tickets abound in The Bag, ranging from the BBC Philharmonic to The Sultans of Ping, via The Cranberries and The Wonder Stuff and lots of tiny local bands that are no longer in existence. I could only have been about 13 years old for some of them – I have no idea how I persuaded my parents to let me go. I’ve even got tickets to college balls from university: good days.

There are a number of notes in The Bag too, scribbled on scraps of paper, on the back of chewing gum wrappers, on bus tickets. One reads

I would like to express my sincere apologies for slobbering over you (so Sarah tells me) and I hope you will, with time, forgive me. Lots of love, Stuart

I have no idea who Stuart is, but apology accepted, anyway.

All of these things are understandably deserving of their place in The Bag. What confuses me, though, is the fact that I had a folding plastic spoon stuck to the board. Why? And what possessed me to pin up a picture of a cookie cut from a magazine? Such are the great, unanswered questions of today. Obviously being on holiday has addled my brain cell. It’s just a good job I resisted the temptation to read my old diaries…

And as for the person who sent me this little thought:

Chips & mayo are better (or is that me being southern?) ... mind you with colslaw is good as well (the choice of the martime section!)

Nah. Salad cream rules.

Life here on Planet Mad continues its normal mundane pattern of holiday slobbery. It's been great to get my life a bit more organised, but in a perverse way I can't wait to return to work - I miss the job, the constant challenges, the contact with lots of people. For example, the highlight of today has been reading The Guide Association's District Commissioner Induction Scheme. Now, maybe I'm setting my sights a little high, but I don't think that activity rates well on the "Exciting or Not?" scale. Maybe I'm wrong. Either way, I suspect that this weekend's activities will be far more enjoyable... just ready for the start of term on Monday!